Random Ramblings #1

I'm not sure what this feeling is. It's positive, I think; but it's kind of nerve racking at the same time.

“What can we do to help you?”

Seven little words.

Seven little words, asking me. Not telling me. But I'm actually being treated as an individual, not just a problem.

My entire life I was told, “This is what we're doing.” and  “That didn't work so we're doing this now.”

I can't recall once, being asked what I thought.

Put me in the sensory room because that's what the other Autistic kids like.

I had a therapist who was dead set on that meditation was the only solution to anxiety. (And just so happened to sell CDs that I should use)

It doesn't work for me. If I have to picture another babbling brooke in my lifetime; I think I may snap.

In school they would take me out of class and put me in the resource room. The room where the disruptive and/or special needs kids go when their teachers need a break.

So yes school, let's put me in a noisier environment. We'll see how that works. Oh, it didn't? What a surprise. But you're not going to listen to me are you? Nope.

So let's push me to the guidance counselor's waiting room. I can do my work there.

I may have some pent up anger on somethings; but I'm getting off topic.

Someone else asked me if I had any books she could read. She wanted to understand my brain, to help me.

No one's ever, no one's ever wanted to understand me. I was just something that had to be dealt with.

The fact that someone wants to learn, and understand why I do the things I do astonishes me.

People have asked me why I do the things I do (usually in angry tones or while yelling at me). I try to explain; but they get frustrated and push me away.

There was no angry tone. I think it was concern? I'm not entirely sure, but it wasn't angry.

It's a weird feeling having people who want to help. When you spent your life being shoved under a rug, having not just one person, but a few who want to help.

I honestly have no idea what words to use; but it feels like I'm not stuck dealing with this alone. I feel like I know I can get through this difficult time right now. I feel confused. (I know what confused feels like). Confused, because, why do they want to help?

I know what hopeless feels like, oh so well, but this is the opposite. I think I feel hopeful. And I like it.

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