How Autism Has Affected my Siblings

When you look at my family photos, you see what looks to be a ‘normal’ happy family. A happily married couple, and their three kids. But there's so much more in that picture you can't see.

I'm the oldest of my siblings, the big brother. But I'm not the big brother society says I should be.

Based on societal expectations I should be the protector, I should be the mature one. I should be the first to reach milestones in my life.

I have two siblings, Charlie who is 20, and Jenna who is 18, I'm 22, and the only one with Autism.

I have never been to college; Charlie is in a 5 year engineering program, and Jenna is in school to become a therapist.

Charlie and Jenna both got their licenses at 16; and are now both fully licensed. I'm still in the process of getting it.

Charlie has brought home so many girls I've lost count; Jenna has had two boyfriends. I've never been in a relationship (not that I have any interest in one).

Charlie and Jenna both have large social groups, I go out once a month to an Autism Social Group.

Despite being raised in the same family, being born a few years apart; our differences are astronomical.

If your kids (aged 10,8, and 6) wanted to go to the park. Who would you put in charge? To make sure everyone is okay. Logically, you would say the 10 year old. The thing is, this 10 year old doesn't pay attention to cars, doesn't know not to climb too high, can't handle screaming kids on a playground. So what do you do? You put the 8 and 6 year old in charge. They have to watch their older brother.

Driving home from school, “oh look there's a new ice cream place, can we try it? Please?” my sister would squeal. “No Jenna we can't,” my Dad would say, “it's not in Kaleb’s routine.”  The amount of arguments my siblings had with my parents about routines was crazy. I kept them back from experiencing so many things other families take for granted.

When we were kids, my siblings and I were really close. We would spend hours playing board games, building Legos, and just being kids. They thought it was great because their friend’s older siblings wouldn't play with them.

But then they grew up. They were too old for Toys, too old to play with Legos, too old to have sword fights. They outgrew me maturity-wise. I was pushed aside for make-up, and girl friends. Skateboarding, and girlfriends.

Christmas’s are weird at our house. The piles of gifts consist of make-up, gift cards, shoes, and clothes. Skateboard gear, gift cards, and clothes. And then 90% of my gifts were bought in the toy section.

Most of my siblings friends have no idea I exist. If I happen to be around when they come over, they say “I didn't know you had a(nother) brother”

They can't come to me for brotherly advice; I have nothing to give them. I can't protect them, they have to watch me. When our parents die, they know I'm their responsibility. They will have to take care of me.

I feel like having Autism has affected their lives negatively. They've had to miss out on a lot of stuff.

Mum or Dad wouldn't be at their birthday parties because one of them had to take me out of the house, as I couldn't handle all their screaming friends.

They couldn't attend all the after school activities they wanted because I had therapy appointments.

Family vacations were planned around my abilities, limiting our choices.

Sometimes I feel like I've ruined their lives. If I wasn't born, how would their lives be different? Would they be better?

But because I have Autism, I feel like I've given them skills they wouldn't necessarily have if I didn't.

They learnt patience at a young age, acceptance of people with different abilities. How to communicate and think differently.

Society has made this box, that it expects everyone to fit into. We're not pegs in a toy. We're humans. Each with our own set of abilities and disabilities, whether visible or not. And the sooner we destroy that box. The sooner we will be able to accept ourselves for who we are. Stop being ashamed of who we are. Stop trying to change who we are. My name is Kaleb, and I have Autism and I can't change to fit your box.