Anxiety Illustrated

I am not an artist, nor am I a writer. But I found relief as I drew this, and as I write this. It doesn’t matter if anyone reads this, for I feel better just putting it out there.

I have an anxiety disorder (as well as a handful of other issues) every day it feels like I’m spinning a wheel of misfortune.

Never knowing what anxiety symptoms I will have; making my anxiety harder to plan for and deal with.

One day I could stutter, and feel a tightness in my chest. The next day I’m throwing up anything I eat. I could be hyped up, that I’m bouncing around like a pinball; running into things and tripping over my own two feet.

No two days are the same for me. I’ve tried developing coping strategies, but when your opponent is a monster spinning a random wheel, the odds are stacked against you.

There are some symptoms easier to deal with than others.

Tics are preferred; well at least the lesser ones (biting my cheek, lifting my head up, or yawning). Half shoulder shrugging is tolerable, but painful (try hitting yourself in the ear with your shoulder as hard as you can)

I hate throwing up and the nausea. I love food, not being able to eat anything is it’s own twisted torture.

Stuttering. Somewhere along the line from my thoughts to my mouth the words get jumbled and twisted. Each word I have to force out, and face embarrassment. I would say it’s up there with nausea.

Some days my sensory sensitivities flair up that any tiny sound feels like a thunderous roar.

The easiest is the headache; the blunt pressure throbbing in my temple. It’s easy to push it aside and get along with my day.

I feel like this monster that is my anxiety, gets a twisted joy from making me suffer. If it’s in a particular foul mood, we’ll play the bonus round where I get bombarded with numerous symptoms out of the blue. Or I’ll spin the jackpot; panic attack!