Hey Big Guy, the Sun is Getting Real Low

A superhero, literally everyone knows is the Hulk; well I'm here to say that I'm the real life version of him.

No I don't turn into a giant green monster, but it sure does feel like it.

Everyday, I'm like Bruce Banner, mild-mannered, nerdy, and, I'll say it, pretty darn smart.

But then my anxiety takes over and I transform into the Hulk; a completely different person who I can't control.

Hulk has his strengths; he's super strong for one. And anxiety is good too, we needed it in caveman times for our fight or flight response.

Like anxiety, Hulk often comes out when he's least wanted.

A visual example is in Thor: Ragnarok, about 1hr and 14min in. Thor is trying to start a ship, but Hulk comes in and begins wrecking things. Frantic, Thor manages to pull up a video log of Natasha (Black Widow)- who is one of the few people who can calm Hulk and get him to return to Bruce. Hulk sees this video, as does Bruce, and Bruce wants to come back. Hulk begins hitting himself in the head, slamming himself into walls. Fighting back. Until Bruce eventually takes over and he transforms back. Bruce is initially a bit panicked, Thor calms him by saying Black Widow's mantra, "the sun's going down", calming Bruce. He's a bit confused, and doesn't remember much.

When my anxiety takes over, I get a bit confused, go non-verbal (or limited verbal abilities like the Hulk), I often hit myself; trying to calm my head. I'm not in control, I have no rationality, no personality, just pure anxiety. I keep losing myself more and more until I pass out, and instantly return to Bruce Banner, or calm down and slowly transform back. I also often have some memory gaps just like Bruce.

Another example, in Avengers: Age of Ultron; Hulk is freaking out, throwing cars around. Black Widow follows him, cautiously, and says "Hey big guy, the sun is getting real low." She raises her hand, and Hulk hesitantly reaches his out. She runs her hand over his wrist, and he starts to transform back into Bruce.

I know for myself, during intense panic, physical contact like a hard hug, or even holding my wrist or hand; grounds me, pulling me back into reality. And Black Widow stayed calm, ignoring the fact that the Hulk could snap her in two. Her calmness radiates over to him.

I've never witnessed something so relatable to me and my anxiety. I know Hulk is seen first and foremost as anger, but pushing a bit deeper, I see it as a metaphor of anxiety.

Or maybe I've just had too much time on my hands, and binge watching superhero movies has messed up my head (well, more than the usual messed up anyway)

Maybe next time my anxiety takes over I can get someone to dress up as Thor or Black Widow and use Hulk's grounding mantra; "Hey big guy, the sun isgetting real low. The sun is getting real low."

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