Constrictive Criticism

The problem is my brain doesn't instantly see the 'constructive' part of constructive criticism. It automatically senses the criticism, and puts up walls to protect from it. It feels like an attack, that I'm a bad person. Some suggestions make me think that I’m not competent without help, that I’m not smart enough, that somehow I’m not good enough, that I don’t measure up to the others.

Obviously it's irrational, but in the moment my brain is in red alert, Deathcon 5. 99% of the time their comments are relevant and helpful. But it takes me a bit to get there. I have to dissect the comment; calming my brain to start. It's not a sock from Monster's Inc! Once I get my system back in order, I can figure out what they are suggesting, and how I can implement it.

And it also depends on who is saying it. If two people say the same thing, my reactions can be different. If I trust them, my walls may only go up partly; whereas if they're a jerkface, my walls are up, wired with electrical fence, and spikes.

I have to remember constructive criticism is meant to be helpful, it isn't an attack. It will improve my life, and probably theirs as well. And I'll be thankful for it.

When someone who I have a history with, makes a suggestion, something inside initiates an immediate negative reflex.
I know you're just trying to help, but my brain doesn't let things go. I remember the insults you hurled at me, I remember the negative emotions I felt around you. And I know it's irrational. And I'm trying to keep the past in the past. But my brain doesn't like me. It replays every memory as if it's happening again.

Even though I keep the memories boxed up in the attic, when something like that happens, the box gets knocked over, spilling the contents everywhere. Needing to be picked up and looked at, before shoving it back in the box.

Long story short, I need people to realize my brain is ignoring the constructive part, and is just receiving a put down. I am working on it, I promise.